I once had underlying shame for my desire to be an artist (this is a post for another day). I would cringe inside when asked my major. When I became a double major, I would at times default to saying my socially acceptable STEM major instead. But by my junior and senior years at university, I evolved to a more confident artist proud of both my majors and ready to continue flourishing in art outside of college. “I’m an artist,” my subconscious affirmed as I sipped an iced coffee, diligently drawing late at night in the studio. The pride was surly a short-lived feeling. Soon after college, I fell into a FUNK with a fantastic internal monologue of reasons to accompany why I didn’t deserve an art title anymore. Bright side is I am coming out of the FUNK eleven months later. Here are some examples of my feelings and thoughts that plagued my mind:
· You’re not making art like you used to make in college.
· You’re working at a job that takes up so much time and energy to make art. When will you get around to it again? You’ll get around to it soon, right?
· It’s been months now, Tristan, the “break” period has pasted. People are probably going to start thinking you reached your peak in college. Worse, what if they ask if you made anything lately?
· I’m so lonely without my creative support group. I miss bouncing ideas around in the studio.
· My self-hate amplifies when scrolling through social media feeds. Oh my gosh, (insert talented peer name) is killing it as an artist.
· I haven’t drawn in so long. What if my art won’t be as good as it was college? Will I lose the skill?
· At peak seasonal depression, I ask myself, “will I ever make art again?” I don’t want to be that person that got an art degree and didn’t do anything with it. I’ve failed as an artist, and worse, I'm simultaneously perpetuating the idea that art is a hobby and not a feasible career path.
Perhaps my internal monologue was melodramatic, but it’s challenging to confront a major aspect of your identity that seems to be fading.
I want to share my experience as a warning and reality check to art majors or those thinking about earning an art degree, but also to minimize the fear of what comes after university. The descent into depression, anxiety, and lack of drive is possible to occur to one after art school. The sooner we acknowledge our feelings and reality post college, the sooner we can move forward with our goals. The truth is we must work with our unique situations to achieve growth as an artist, and only we have the tools to get us there. A tale as old as time, this is easier said than done! I’ve only recently had an epiphany and currently digging my way out of my art funk to reach my goals. We can wallow in our post grad anxieties; however, I will suggest more productive questions we should be asking ourselves and how I would respond:
· What is my current situation?
I work a full-time job that is not remotely art related, but I love my job.
· Does my current situation offer anything to enrich my art?
Yes, inspiring experience and dependable money to buy supplies.
· Do I have potential free time?
Yes.
· Could I potentially devote a portion of that time to art?
Yep.
· If yes to question above, do I have access to a planner to designate art time? Do I have an art friend to help motivate me when it’s hard?
Yes, and Yes (lucky to have multiple )
· What are realistic goals for me as an artist?
I can attempt to work on a piece to sale on the side, maybe non-intense commissions. I could slowly explore my art and build a body of work – SLOWLY. Maybe one day have an art show. I could sale my old artwork. I could enter an art competition with a piece I already have. I could do art that I want to do at my own pace. I could get prints to sale. I could prep for an art festival. I can try to do a sketch a week. Doing all these goals at the same time is not realistic for me, and I need to pick one and adopt more as I grow.
Now, I say to myself: “You are still an artist, Tristan. You’re just adapting to a transition. You must take your current situation, which seems hopeful to the potentials of producing art, and use those creative skills you learned to make that a reality. Of the possible realistic goals, start small and work up.” This is where I am now on my art journey. Being realistic and positive with my narrative mitigates the dark swirling thoughts doubting one of my most special facets to my identity.
Comments